I Need You Now!
by iluvspencerhastings
Summary: Starts as a rewrite of the ending of the season 1 finale-what if there was no A to save Spencer and Ian hurt her in unimaginable ways? Who will she turn to in her darkest hour?
1. Nightmare in the bell tower

**I need you now! Starts with a rewrite of the ending of the season 1 finale-for whom the bell tolls : What if there was no A and nobody to save Spencer from Ian? What if he hurt her in unimaginable ways? Who will help her through her ordeal? Will she ever be the same witty and charming Spencer that she once was?**

Spencer couldn't believe this was happening, Ian had cornered her in the church and now he had followed her up stairs. She must've dropped her phone downstairs because she couldn't find it anywhere and as she looks up and is met with Ian's hauntingly dark eyes, she has never been more scared in her life. He swings for her and successfully punches her in the face, she falls to the ground and he continues his assault on her body, dishing out kicks and punches to her face, arms, legs and stomach until she is sobbing in agony. Oh how she wishes she had let Toby come with her! She is still reeling from the devastating blows to her torso, when suddenly Ian is on top of her, ripping away at her blouse and trailing his hands across the waistband of her jeans. She instantly panics, kicking and screaming at him to stop but his evil grin widens and he whispers in her ear, "no one will hear you Spencer, I've finally got you exactly where I want you".

He kisses her, gently at first and then aggressively, forcing his scaly tongue inside her unwilling mouth. Then quickly he tears open her blouse and snaps open her bra, fondling her breasts, twisting her small nipples until she once again screams in agony and afterwards he stands and keeps his foot pressed against her stomach as he removes his trousers and boxers. Spencer feels the vomit crawl up her throat at the sight of him naked in front of her and she wishes for death in that moment, knowing what is going to happen next. But still she finds no relief as he unzips her jeans and presses his invading hand against the outside of her panties. He tears them off of her and callously forces his fingers inside of her, the pain making it almost impossible for Spencer to breathe. And then he is pushing himself inside of her, stealing her virginity and she feels her body being torn in ways she didn't even know existed.

She must have passed out for awhile but when she comes to he is still thrusting inside of her, robbing her of her innocence, of something she only wanted to give to Toby, and then he begins to move faster and he groans and then Spencer feels him ejaculating inside her and in that moment she really wants to die. But then he is whispering in her ear again, " I hope I got you pregnant", and she loses her last resolve and turning her head she vomits on the floor. And then just as if nothing had happened he is gone and she is left trembling on the floor of the bell tower, broken and bleeding, waiting for someone, anyone to help her.


	2. Best friends always know

Best friends always know!

Emily, Aria and Hanna knew something wasn't right, Spencer was nearly one hour late and that was so unlike her. The girls kept trying her phone and when someone eventually did answer, it wasn't Spencer but her mother. Mrs Hastings told the girls that Spencer had gone to get Melissa's phone that she had left in the church but that that was forty five minutes ago and she was yet to return. The girls were worried, spencer always stayed in contact. Then surprisingly, Hanna had a brilliant idea, why don't they try Melissa's phone. Emily dug through her phonebook knowing that Melissa's number was in there somewhere and after several agonising minutes she began to dial the number.

Spencer was cold, the pain had suddenly faded and all that she felt was an impenetrable cold. She was coming to accept that this was it, this was the place where Spencer was going to die, but then in the distance she heard a phone ringing loudly. At first she thought she was delusional on the verge of death, but then the ringing seemed to get louder and louder and when she found the strength to turn her head she saw it, her sister's agonizingly pink mobile phone. She struggled to reach it with what felt like a sprained wrist, but with a grimace she did and almost exploded with relief as she read Emily's number off the screen. She tentatively pressed the answer button and the sound of her best friend's voice sent her over the edge, "Spencer where are you, are you ok?" , Emily questioned and Spencer croaked out, "b..ell tower, he…lp me", before losing consciousness on the cold, wooden floor.

Emily, Aria and Hanna knew something was really wrong with spencer and they rushed to the church, with Aria calling an ambulance from the backseat, but nothing could have prepared them for what they found when they reached the church. They saw Spencer's handbag on the ground and followed the trail of an open nail polish bottle to the stairs that led to the bell tower. "Spencer", they called as they made their way up the stairs but were met with no reply, but when they turned the corner they realised why, there on the floor was the crumpled and beaten form of their best friend.

Panic set over them as they rushed to her side, Hanna and Aria could barely contain their sobs at the sight of their half naked, bruised friend, but Emily knew she needed to stay strong and be practical because that is what Spencer would do for them. She was pleasantly surprised to hear that Spencer was still breathing and upon hearing the ambulance in the distance she resolved to hold her best friend's hand until the paramedics arrive.

Spencer was rushed into the ambulance with Emily by her side, Aria and Hanna followed behind in Hanna's car, hoping to tell Mrs. Hastings what had happened before Spencer was rushed into the same hospital that her sister was already in. Inside the ambulance Emily's heart was racing as Spencer was hooked up to drips and monitors, still struggling to regain consciousness. She began to wonder about the extent of what her best friend had suffered, but one thing she was pretty sure was the culprit, she just knew it had to be Ian.


	3. Agony

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I just wish I did! This is my first story so please review and tell me if I should continue!**

**Agony!**

Hanna and Aria burst through the doors of the emergency room searching for Mrs Hastings, her face going pale when she saw the panic on her daughter's best friends' faces. "Girls what's wrong? What happened?" she asks, as the terrified teens try to find a way to break the news. "Mrs Hastings", Aria says, "you need to come with us, Spencer has been attacked." Veronica Hastings feels her legs sway underneath her as she follows the girls to the end of the corridor, where Spencer is being wheeled in on a stretcher. Her head is pounding, her mind racing with thoughts and questions, who did this to her baby girl? How badly was she hurt? Had she, god forbid, been the victim of a sexual assault? And why hadn't she known that something was wrong? Why hadn't she gone looking for her daughter like Hanna, Aria and Emily had? She didn't know the answer to any of these questions but the one thing that she did know is that she needed to be there for her daughter right now. She entered the room that she had seen Spencer being taken into tentatively and was immediately affronted by a small yet defensive looking nurse who wanted to know who she was and what she was doing in this room. Veronica looked across the room at her trembling daughter who was lying battered and bruised in a small bed gripping Emily's hand with full force and then she brokenly murmured, "She's my daughter".

At the sound of her mother's voice Spencer looked up and Veronica could see the pain and agony in her dark chocolate eyes. She crossed the room to her daughter's bed and took Spencer's other hand in her own, "We're going to get you through this baby", she whispered and sobs ripped through the younger girl at her mother's acknowledgement of the attack. And then their moment of mutual heartbreak was interrupted as two women entered the room. The first was pretty, in her mid-thirties and introduced herself as Dr Herring, the other was in her forties, with a kind smile and introduced herself to Spencer as Detective Clark. They explained that they needed to ask someone questions about the attack and that the doctor would need to carry out a physical exam including a rape-kit. Spencer flinched at the words but Emily and her mother reassured her that she was strong enough to get through this, while the nurse offered the reward of a shower afterwards, something which Spencer desperately wanted, so she reluctantly agreed to the questioning and the exam.

"Can you tell us exactly what happened tonight, Spencer", the detective began,

"I was attacked …raped"

"Do you know who did this to you", she continued,

"Ian Thomas, my brother in law", she whispered as her mother gasped in the chair beside her and then gripped her hand tighter,

"I should have believed you about Ian, I can't believe he did this to you sweetheart", Veronica pleaded.

"Spencer, can you tell me where you have sustained injuries and how they were inflicted", asked the doctor as she prepared to begin the physical exam.

"He punched me in the face hard, I stumbled to the ground and then he kicked me repeatedly, he tore at my clothes and held my wrists forcefully as he pinned me to the ground. Then he took his clothes off and tore mine and then …then he raped me."

"Spencer, I know this is hard but I need you to tell me, did he penetrate you?"

"Yes"

"With his fingers, his penis, a foreign object, I need you to be specific", the detective urged.

"He used his fingers and then his penis", the young girl's voice cracked as she fought the urge to cry.

"Was there oral, anal, or vaginal penetration Spencer, did he use a condom?"

"Vaginal…I uh didn't see a condom"

"Ok you're doing great Spencer, were nearly done, now can you tell me what he said to you"

"He said that he had finally got me where he wanted me and then when he uh…finished, he said that he hoped he had gotten me pregnant" and at that thought Spencer collapsed onto her mother's shoulder sobbing.

After the questioning the doctor carried out her exam, bandaging sprained wrists and bruised ribs and carrying out the rape-kit. For Spencer the examination was like reliving the attack, her legs shook as the speculum was inserted and she recoiled often from the doctor's invasion of her body. But she suffered through and after being prescribed anti-virals and the morning after pill, she hobbled into the small ensuite to take a shower. Both her mother and Emily offered to help her shower but she insisted on doing it alone, and once inside she scrubbed her body raw in an effort to feel clean again and to get rid of the feel of him on her skin. But no matter how hard she scrubbed she still felt dirty and disgusting and when she entered the waiting room twenty five minutes later she could still smell him on her skin. And then she saw him, her father, looking up at her expectantly just like her mother and her friends, but all she felt was scared, terrified not only that her father knew exactly what had happened to her, but that her father was a man and men, well they were capable of evil. She avoided making eye contact with her dad and her friends, instead whispering to her mother that she needed to go home, the shame of what had happened to her was as unbearable as the physical and emotional pain she felt and she was only thankful for one thing in that moment, that nobody seemed to have told Toby yet. Toby, her amazingly handsome and sweet boyfriend, how was she ever going to tell him that she was raped? Their relationship would be over she was sure, because nobody would ever want to be with her ever again.


	4. Everything's Changed

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters! AN. Big shoutout to Marie for her kind reviews that are keeping me writing, as I said this is my first story so reviews are greatly appreciated!**

CH4-Everythings changed!

Spencer tossed and turned for what seemed like the thousandth time, after coming home from the hospital her mother had offered to stay with her until she fell asleep, but Spencer knew that she wasn't going to be sleeping much this night, so she told her she just needed to be alone. Every time she closed her eyes images of Ian's hands on her body flashed before her and her muscles screamed in agony at the bruising and tearing they had endured. Her mom had left a glass of water along with some painkillers on her nightstand but Spencer found they did little to dull her pain. Also on the nightstand was her phone which had been beeping with calls and messages ever since her mom handed it back to her on the drive home, but Spencer refused to look at the phone, the thought of pitying messages from her friends, who couldn't possibly understand what she was going through, irritated her and she cringed at the possibility that Toby knew what had happened and had been trying to call.

It was three a.m. when Veronica Hastings went to check on her youngest daughter and upon finding her sleeping somewhat peacefully, she decided to retire to bed herself. However, she had barely dozed off when she heard a shrilling scream echo through the house. Her husband jerked awake, immediately getting up to see what was wrong but Veronica stopped him knowing that it was Spencer having a nightmare and that her father's presence would only agitate her further. She sprinted down the hallway to her daughter's room and found the distressed teenager tangled up in the sheets, sweaty and terrified. She gently shook her petrified daughter awake and held on tightly as Spencer sobbed in her arms. When the young girl had finally calmed down, Veronica helped her daughter remove her soaked pyjamas, trying not to stare at the bruises that aligned her body. She knew this was only the start of her daughter's sleepless nights and she wondered how anyone got over a trauma like the one Spencer had endured. Spencer insisted on showering again even though it was the middle of the night and Veronica was willing to let her do anything she wanted if it made things easier on her daughter. Whilst Spencer was still showering twenty minutes later, Peter Hastings carefully approached his daughter's room in search of his wife and he found her there silently crying for the loss of her daughter's innocence. He himself felt overwhelmed by what had happened tonight and not long after comforting his wife, he shuffled back to their room, willing to respect Spencer's need for privacy even if he wanted to comfort her too.

Spencer once again scrubbed her body vigorously in an attempt to rid herself of the feeling of Ian's hands on her body but her efforts were futile and twenty five minutes after entering the shower she returned to her room feeling just as disgusting as before. Her nightmare had been terrible, Ian's face smiling at her as she screamed in agony and Spencer was reluctant to sleep again this night. Her mother tucked her in gently, like she had done when she was a child but to Spencer's surprise she didn't leave the room, instead the two lay in silence until the sun rose the next morning. Spencer's muscles ached as she followed her mother downstairs just after six a.m. and she gratefully accepted the painkillers that were offered by her mom. She too accepted the bowl of cereal that her mother placed in front of her but found herself with no appetite and opted for playing with her food instead. Veronica cast a worrying glance at her daughter but decided that she would let it go as frankly it was understandable at the moment. Spencer whispered one word answers to her mother's questions of how she was feeling, did she need anything, had her friends called, but felt guilty at the thought of her friends who had always been there for her before and who had found her last night. Spencer knew that if it wasn't for them she wouldn't be alive so she asked her mom if they could come over for a while. Her mother, of course, was delighted that she showed interest in being sociable and told Spencer to text them straight away and she did.

*Hi guys sorry for not replying last night, come over for a while if you can, Spencer.*

*Hi Spence, hope you're feeling a bit better, with Aria and Hanna, we'll b der soon, love Emily*

Spencer smiled at Emily's text and for the first time that day she felt like maybe she could get through this, that is of course until the doorbell rang and she jumped, feeling herself starting to hyperventilate she talked herself down, "it's just the girls Spencer, they still love you for being you", but when she finally opened the door it wasn't her friends standing there, it was her boyfriend Toby.

His face crumpled at the sight of his broken yet beautiful girlfriend, but Spencer couldn't bear for him to see her like this and slammed the door shut. Outside Toby sank to his knees on the other side of the door as he shouted to Spencer, "I love you so much babe, forever, nothing's changed", but inside Spencer felt like screaming at the innocence of his words, "That's not true, Toby", she shouted, "everything's changed".


	5. Friends,Movies,Toby

**Disclaimer: Once again I do not own these characters!**

***please review***

Chapter 5!

Spencer sat silently on the couch, deep in thought, should she have let Toby inside, could he really still love her after she had been so brutally violated by Ian…she shuddered at the thought of her sister's evil husband, frantically trying to erase him from her mind, when suddenly there was another knock at the door. Spencer wasn't so jumpy this time but she still approached the door with trepidation, was it really her friends this time, or had Toby decided to try again?

"Who's there", she called out,

"Emily, Aria, Hanna", the girls replied respectively and Spencer eased the door open to allow her friends inside. The girls entered with caution, each aware that Spencer needed her space right now, but trying to avoid an awkward silence, Aria gently asked her how she was feeling. "Sore, tired, embarrassed", Spencer admitted, hoping that her friends would understand and they did, simply hugging her gently before changing the subject to the movies and pizza they had brought with them. Glad for the change of pace, Spencer flopped on the couch and tried to absorb herself in whatever movie they had picked out. She didn't take any pizza and although the other girls noticed they each decided against bringing up, assuming that their friend had lost her appetite for now. The movie was funny and although Spencer found it entertaining she was easily distracted by thoughts of her earlier encounter with Toby. She excused herself to get a glass of water and a few minutes later she was joined in the kitchen by Emily. Sensing that Emily had talked to Toby and knew what was on her mind, Spencer decided to broach the topic with her best friend,

"Did Toby tell you what happened", she asked,

"Ye, he did Spence and he understands that you need space right now but he just wants to be there for you, he loves you so much."

"I just feel so guilty Emily, I want him to be happy, I don't want him to have to deal with this, with me, how can I still be his girlfriend when the thought of him touching me terrifies me?"

"Spencer, Toby loves you and when you really love someone you help them deal with their pain, someday you'll let Toby touch you and kiss you again and until then he's willing to wait and just be with you in any way you'll let him."

"Maybe your right Em, I think I'll ask him to come over again later so we can talk",

"Sounds like a good idea Spence, now let's watch the end of the movie."

The girls left shortly after the movie finished, with Spencer promising to text them all later on. She and her mom ate dinner in silence, Spencer struggled to eat a forkful of pasta and excused herself, leaving a full plate behind. She had been told that her father had gone to visit Melissa in the hospital and Spencer wondered what they had told her older sister, if anything at all because Melissa and the baby were still in danger and her parents didn't want to add to the stress. Spencer resolved to forget about her sister for the moment, she had much bigger problems to deal with, she still hadn't found the courage to text Toby and ask him to come over and her bandages needed to be changed, a process which proved shameful and agonising for the young girl. Deciding it was the lesser of two evils, Spencer picked up her phone and text Toby,

*We need to talk, I was surprised to see you earlier and I panicked, come over in about an hour, Spencer*

*I'll be there, love you so much, Toby*, he instantly replied.

Knowing that she had an hour before he arrived, Spencer set about removing the bandages from her ribs, she cringed as the material brushed against her bruised skin as she located the clean wraps in the bathroom. Determined not to ask her mom for help, she gritted her teeth and wrapped the bandages tightly around her sore upper torso, before tiredly collapsing on to her bed.

When Toby arrived at his girlfriend's house an hour later he was surprised to be greeted at the door by Mrs Hastings. She informed him that Spencer had fallen asleep upstairs and that she didn't want to wake her, but that he could wait until she woke up if he wanted to. Toby sat down on the couch, politely declining Mrs Hasting's offer of a drink, his mind in overdrive with worry about his girl.

"How's she doing", he bravely questioned Spencer's slightly intimidating mother,

"She's quiet, she hasn't eaten anything, she's in a lot of pain but the girls cheered her up a bit I think and she invited you over, so that's good."

"Ye, I just been so worried, I love her so much and the thought of her being in so much pain, it kills me."

"I feel the same way but we need to take it one step at a time, allow her to open up at her own pace", Mrs Hastings trailed off as they heard Spencer coming down the stairs.

"I leave you two alone", she said before walking down the hallway and into her office.

Spencer had woken up to hear her mother and her boyfriend talking downstairs, she was glad that her mother had allowed Toby to stay as she really wanted to talk to him. She struggled to iniate the conversation, starting with an awkward, "hi",

"Hi Spence, I'm really glad you got some sleep, I know it mustn't be easy",

"Ye, it helped, I think, listen Toby, I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore, but if you do then, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you too, but I really need a little space right now."

"I know babe and I understand, I just hope you know that I want to be with you so much, I love you and you just let me know what you need and I'll be here, ok?"

"Thanks Toby, I'll call you tomorrow ok?", she concluded as he tentatively reached for his hand.

He held her hand in his own and kissed it gently as she smiled at his thoughtfulness, before he said goodnight and left through the back door. Inside the house Spencer flopped down on the couch again, switching on some mindless television, trying to replace the reoccurring thoughts of Ian with those of her sweet, caring, Toby and hoping that when sleep came it wouldn't be filled with nightmares again.


	6. Normal again

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters! AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far!**

Sunday morning in the Hastings' household usually consisted of the family sleeping in later than usual and then enjoying a nice, peaceful breakfast together. This morning however, Spencer rose at the crack of dawn, having once again endured a sleepless night having been plagued by nightmares and flashbacks. Her mom had once again come to her aid in the middle of the night but Spencer had sent her back to her own room soon after, insisting that at least one of them should get some sleep. Shortly after six a.m., she drags her weary body down the stairs and into the kitchen, making herself a large mug of coffee, the only breakfast she can seem to stomach. She is so absorbed in thought, staring intently at the black liquid, that she doesn't hear her father enter the kitchen a few minutes later, he places his hand on her shoulder and says good morning but her senses are in overdrive and she panics, jumping at his touch and knocking the cup of coffee to the floor. She screams as the mug smashes to pieces on the floor and as her father moves closer to try to calm her, images of Ian flash through her head and suddenly she is back in the bell tower, struggling underneath him again.

Mrs Hastings hears her daughter's scream from upstairs and fearing that Ian may be back, she rushes down the steps, only to find her husband standing over Spencer, his features fraught as their daughter rocks back and forth on the floor, curled up in a ball with her knees to her chest and tears streaming down her face.

"What happened", she shouts at her husband,

"I don't know…I said good morning, patted her shoulder…"

"You shouldn't have done that, she's afraid of being touched",

"I'm sorry", he says to his wife before looking at his terrified daughter,

"Spence I'm so sorry, baby, its daddy, I would never hurt you", he whispers as his wife moves to wrap her arms around Spencer.

Spencer feels arms wrap around her, but they are gentle and warm and she begins to come back to reality, images of the attack fading as she smells her mom's perfume over her shoulder.

"Mommy", she whispers, her voice raspy from crying,

"Spencer, it's alright honey, you're ok now, let's get you sitting up again, ok?" she asks as she helps her daughter to sit back on one of the high stools surrounding the kitchen island.

Veronica notices her husband quietly shuffle out of the room, towards his office and she feels sorry for him momentarily before remembering that Spencer is her priority right now.

Spencer is still shaky when her mother places a bowl of cereal in front of her. They're her favourites and normally she would eat them without hesitation, but now just looking at food makes her feel sick. Still she lifts the spoon, reluctantly swallowing a small portion for her mother's benefit more than her own, but the milk makes her queasy and she pushes the bowl away, refusing to eat any more.

"Spencer, you have to eat", her mom pleads,

"I had a slice of toast when I got up", she lies.

Her mom accepts her answer and she sighs in relief, this morning had already been hard enough without a lecture on good nutrition.

Her mood is brightened considerably however, when a delivery boy arrives at the door ten minutes later. He has a huge bunch of flowers in his hands and her mother signs for the bunch before closing the door and handing them to Spencer,

"I think these are for you honey", she says.

Spencer smiles, her first genuine smile since the attack, as she looks at the bunch of flowers. They're pink daisies, her favourite, and she reaches excitedly for the card.

*Spencer, thinking of you always, all my love, Toby*, it reads and she feels tears prick her eyelids at his thoughtfulness.

She giddily climbs the stairs with the bunch, before placing them in the vase on the desk in her room. This isn't the first time Toby has sent her flowers, he's the romantic type, but something about today's gift feels special and she knows now that Toby really does still love her, no matter what.

Spencer spends the rest of the afternoon texting Toby, expressing how his gesture made her day so much better and promising to see him again tomorrow. She texts the girls too, she can tell they're all worried and trying to give her space but the truth is she misses them and she just wants things to go back to how they were before. Determined not to let the attack ruin her life, Spencer decides that she is going to return to school tomorrow, she's ready to be normal again and this seems like the best way forward to her. She finds out later on however, that her mother strongly disagrees, telling Spencer that it's too soon and she's still too fragile to go to school.

"Look what happened this morning Spencer", she argues

"I panicked but it won't happen again", Spencer replies

"You don't know that sweetheart, I think you should wait, go back next week instead", she pleads.

"Next week won't be any different, I'll still be the girl who was stupid enough to get raped", Spencer screams.

Veronica flinches at her daughter's words, how could she think that she had been stupid, did she really think the attack was her fault?

"Spencer, honey, what happened wasn't your fault, nobody thinks that", she assures her daughter.

"Whatever, I want to go back to school, please, I just want to feel normal again", she chokes out and Veronica can't bear to say no to the broken girl,

"Ok you can go", she relents, "but if you need to come home at any stage you just tell a teacher or call me and I'll be there ok", she adds as her daughter reluctantly nods in agreement before heading to bed, hoping to actually get some sleep before returning to school the next day.


	7. Not ready

**AN: I am so sorry for the delay in updating but my computer was broken! I hope that people are still interested in this story and enjoy this update! Please review!**

**Not ready! **

The following morning Spencer was exhausted, having once again spent the night tossing and turning in a fitful sleep, tormented by nightmares and flashbacks of Ian's attack. Her body hurt more than ever, the all too familiar ache between her legs, not letting her forget what had happened for even a second. She was nauseous from lack of food and exhaustion but as she dragged her body downstairs she refused to give in to the voice in her head, telling her not to go to school. She had to go, she had to prove to everybody, including herself that she was strong enough, that she was ready to get back to normal.

As she sat down on a stool at the kitchen island her mother looked up from her paperwork giving her an awkward smile, before gently reaching for Spencer's hand and whispering,

"Sweetheart are you sure you're ready to go back to school? Nobody would blame you if you took another few days off."

"I going mom, I'll be fine", Spencer snapped, angrier at the situation than at her mother.

Trying to hide her hurt at her daughter's humour, Veronica Hastings quietly resumed reading over her paperwork. Spencer felt guilty for snapping at her mom and decided to offer her an olive branch,

"Mom, can you give a lift to school I don't feel up to driving" she asked politely.

Veronica looked up surprised at her daughter's change of attitude but nodded encouragingly

"Of course I'll take you honey just have some breakfast first okay?",

Spencer winced at the mention of food, her stomach turning, even though she hadn't really eaten in two days. The worried look on her mother's face stopped her from protesting however, and she accepted Veronica's offer of French toast. The first bite barely made it down and she desperately tried to think of an excuse as to not eating the rest. Looking at the clock and seeing her opportunity, she pleaded with her hovering mother,

"It's already eight mom and if we have to talk to the principal before class than I need to leave now, I don't want to be late on top of everything else", she persuaded.

Looking at her daughter's pleading face Veronica couldn't refuse the fragile girl and gave in, making her promise to eat something substantial at lunch. The five minute car ride was filled with silence and worrying glances between Veronica and Spencer and as they pulled into the near empty parking lot Spencer was filled with dread about being around other people. She cautiously followed her mom to the principal's office and sat down in the oversized chairs waiting for his arrival.

The tall, professional looking man, Principal Harding, stepped into the office greeting them politely. Spencer tried to hide her anxiety at being in the same room as this man, willing her hand to stop shaking as she reached out to return the offered handshake. If he noticed her edginess he didn't show it and Spencer tried to relax as he and her mom began speaking. He reassured her mom that she would be looked after and Spencer hated that they were prepared to make allowances for her. She tuned out from the conversation as she noticed students beginning to line the halls and was own brought back to reality when her mom stood ready to leave the office. She too rose from her chair, grabbing her bag off the floor before making to leave. Her mom stopped her however, saying that she wasn't leaving until Spencer found her friends. Spencer felt the anger build up inside her again, she didn't want to be treated like a five year old on her first day of school. She couldn't find the energy to argue with her mother and so instead, she reluctantly followed her down the crowded corridor. She was met with curious stares from her classmates but kept her head down ignoring everyone until she heard the unmistakable voice of Aria saying, "Hi Spence" followed by similar greetings from Hanna and Emily. She met their gaze and moved towards them, smiling slightly as her mother made to leave. They embraced her awkwardly, careful as not to hurt or panic her and she felt ok for the first time that morning.

They all moved towards English, the only class they all shared and Spencer was calmed by the familiar face of Ella Montgomery as she began to take notes on the latest novel. The rest of the morning went relatively well and Spencer was beginning to feel like herself again. However, having just finished closing her locker before lunch, Spencer was terrified to find herself being pushed against the metal storage units, a large body pinning her from behind. She screamed and began to shake, not noticing as the offender, a footballer who had jumped to catch a ball, moved off of her and away not wanting to upset her further. She slid down the locker, sitting against it as she rocked back and forth, shaking and crying, struggling to breathe.

Having noticed the commotion from down the corridor, her friends rushed to her side, terrified at the fragile state of their friend and feeling guilty for leaving her on her own. Hanna and Emily carefully lifted her off the ground as Aria guided them into her mom's classroom, Ella looking up from her lunch in surprise as the trio settled a hyperventilating Spencer into a seat. She rushed towards them, heartbroken for the girl that was one of her daughter's best friends.

"Spencer honey, its Ella I need you take a deep breath for me ok, in and out", she coached the trembling teenager.

"I ca-cant", Spencer whispered he pale face filled with terror.

"You can sweetheart please, it's ok, it's just us here, no one's going to hurt you" she persuaded.

At the kind reassurances of her safety, Spencer relaxed somewhat and began to breath normally again. The reality of what had happened hit her and she blushed apologising to Ella profusely. The older woman kindly encouraged Spencer to allow her to ring her mother and Spencer had little energy or desire to protest. She felt weak and stupid but desperately wanted to go home and when her panic stricken mother entered the room five minutes later she burst into tears, exhaustion, pain and humiliation overwhelming her. She quickly said goodbye to the girls, promising to call them later, before allowing her mom to guide her to the car and take her home.

Once there, she relaxed somewhat in the safety of her bedroom, crying in her mom's arms as she admitted the truth,

"You were right mom, I wasn't ready."


	8. Two weeks later

**AN: Not sure if there is enough interest to continue but here's the next update! Enjoy!**

**Two weeks later!**

Two weeks had passed and Spencer refused to return to school after her humiliating breakdown, she felt weak and stupid and became gradually more withdrawn from her friends, from Toby and even from her mom. Veronica Hastings was at a loss as to what to do for her daughter, who spent her days lying on the couch watching mindless television. Her once lively, sociable daughter was a shell of herself and was shutting herself off from the world and not one of her attempts to help her had worked. She urged Aria, Hanna and Emily to call over but Spencer made excuses not to talk to them, Toby called continuously but Spencer wouldn't let him near her and she made all her daughters favourite dishes but the broken girl couldn't stomach more than a bite.

Standing at the kitchen counter and staring tenderly at her daughter, Veronica had never felt so wrecked. Spencer had lost weight, her clothes hanging off her tiny frame, she had bags under eyes from lack of sleep but what was most scary to Veronica was the haunted yet empty look in those big brown eyes. It truly scared her to see her daughter like this and she knew that she had to find some way to help her. Veronica had sobbed in Peter's arms last night and he too was at a loss as to what to do. Spencer couldn't handle being in the same room as him and even though he understood his daughter's terror, it hurt him not be able to comfort her. He had left for the city that morning, opting to spend some time with Melissa and Veronica desperately hoped that things would be better by the time he returned.

That afternoon the older woman sat for hours on the couch, her daughter's head in her lap as she lovingly stroked her hair. It was a small comfort shared between the two and it gave Veronica a small sense of hope. Feeling her mom's tenderness Spencer felt guilty for putting her mom through this. She wanted to be better, to feel normal again but instead she felt scared and embarrassed and so exhausted. She was tired of putting on a brave face for her friends, for her mom, for her sweet Toby, she just didn't have the energy to pretend that everything was ok so instead of breaking down or reaching out for help, she spent her days avoiding her friends, avoiding her family and avoiding life. Spencer was just drifting off to sleep in her mom's lap when a knock at the door startled her making her jump off the couch and head for the stairs. Veronica let her go knowing that she didn't want to see anyone and headed for the door. She opened the door and was surprised to see Ashley Marin standing on the other side.

"Ashley, hi, come in", she said hiding a yawn and watched as the other woman moved gracefully inside.

"What can I do for you Ashley", she politely asked but wasn't expecting her reply

"Actually, I was hoping to speak to Spencer" she replied and Veronica frowned.

"I don't really think she's up to dealing with Hanna's dramas, Ashley, I'm sorry" she curtly replied but the other woman wasn't fazed insisting that she talk to the girl,

"Please Veronica, I really think it might help", and Veronica decided that at this stage anything was worth a try.

She led Ashley upstairs and gently knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. There was no reply so she carefully peeked her head inside, heartbroken to find her daughter in tears on the bed. Upon seeing her mom Spencer scurried to wipe her tears and was mortified when the ever eloquent Mrs Marin followed her mom into the room. The two older women sat down on the bed as Veronica tried to comfort her daughter. Spencer wondered what Ashley was doing their, why everyone couldn't just leave her alone but she was surprised when the other woman gently reached for her hand and whispered, "You'll get through this honey, I know you can do it" and looking into her eyes Spencer thought that maybe this woman really did know. She panicked slightly as her mom announced she was heading to the grocery store but that Ashley would stay until she got back, but there was something about the other woman, her best friend's mom, that made her feel safe.

Hearing Veronica leave the house, Ashley gently moved closer to Spencer as she began to tell her story, a story that would prove to give Spencer the strength to try and live again.

"My father was a horrible man, Spencer, he was a drunk and he beat me for years", she tearfully began, "and then when I was fifteen by mom died and things got worse. He would drink from one day to the next and he would hit me more often and then one night before my sixteenth birthday he crawled into bed with me", she said and Spencer gasped in shock

"Did he, I mean did he …" she whispered and the older woman nodded tearfully,

"Yes he raped me."

They embraced each other, tear flooding their faces before Ashley pulled back and continued to speak,

"After that night, I packed my bags and I ran and I struggled on my own for a long time. There were lots of days when I felt like giving up but then I realised that that would mean he had won and I couldn't let that happen. So I got a job as a teller in a bank and I worked my way up, I met Tom and I fell in love and for a long time I ignored the love because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. But then with the help of a counsellor I worked through it and we got married and had Hanna and well you know the rest, but Spencer the point is that you can get through this you just have to fight."

"What if I'm not strong enough" the younger girl whispered but was empowered to feel Ashley's warm hand squeeze hers as she promised, "you are sweetie you just need to let people help you, let people love you", and with that promise Spencer decided that she was right that she wasn't going to let Ian win.

Later that night long after Ashley had left and her mom had returned, Spencer approached her mom with apprehension, she needed to ask her something but felt like maybe asking was a sign of weakness, that what she was requesting would taint her family's reputation. Tentatively she sat down at the kitchen island as her mom ate dinner alone and plucking up her courage she blurted,

"Mom, I think I need to see someone"

Her mother looked up from her pasta shocked. She didn't know what Ashley had said to her daughter but ever since she left Spencer was surprising her, first she had pledged to return to school in two days and now she was asking, really asking for help.

"You mean a counsellor honey, of course, you just tell me when and I can make an appointment" she encouraged and was delighted to see Spencer smile as she replied,

"Tomorrow if you can, thanks mom" before embracing Veronica in a tight hug.

Wiping a stray tear from her eye Veronica hugged her daughter back, believing for the first time that Spencer really could get through this.

**Up next some Toby I promise! Please review!**


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